As the holidays approach, many things go through a caregiver’s mind. How are we going to do this? Should I try to do a big holiday celebration for my loved one? Am I up to handling it? Can my loved one deal with it? Will the stress of the holidays be too much, or will it be a source of joy for both of us to continue old traditions and get together with others?
Even though they are enjoyable, holidays during a normal year can be somewhat stressful. When dealing with a caregiving situation, the holidays may require some adjustments. Here are some things to consider when planning your holidays this year:
1. Find out what your loved one wants this holiday season. Just ask. Does he or she want to experience Christmas exactly as you have celebrated it in the past? If your loved one is in fair condition and able to eat and enjoy the holidays, try to respect their wishes. If your loved one is feeling quite ill or in a lot of pain, he or she may not wish to do a formal Christmas celebration. On the other hand, enjoying something, anything, that presents as a normal holiday could be a positive experience for many.
2. Focus on what is important, which is taking care of yourself and taking care of your loved one. You know yourself and you know your loved one. Adjust your holidays to accommodate your priorities. Don’t worry about others right now. You will do what you must and others will have to understand. You may have to explain this to them, tactfully, of course.
3. Get enough rest. There is no easier time to get sick than with the approaching holidays. With the endless “To Do” Lists, it is easy to cut out some sleep to help you get caught up. Hopefully, you won’t give in to this and will remain disciplined enough to get a full night’s sleep every night.
4. Don’t feel you have to do it all. If you used to bake six different kinds of Christmas cookies, reduce the number. Ask your loved one what they would like. Ask your children what they would like and make the top two or three choices, if you feel you have time. If you just don’t have the time or energy, explain this to your loved one and the rest of the family. Perhaps someone would make something for you. Seek out a good bakery and purchase some good baked items. Ask for help. Maybe it is time to get someone else to host. If you do host, ask others to bring a dish to pass. Ask someone to come early and help. Ask someone else to stay and help you clean up. Cut corners where you can.
5. If you are preparing any of the holiday meals, consider your loved one’s appetite. Can he or she tolerate the rich, heavy foods traditionally served this time of year? Make sure to have plenty of items that your loved one can eat.
6. Every day, take a block of time for yourself. Do whatever helps you relax, de-stress, or re-focus. Read or watch something funny–laugh out loud funny! Yes, go ahead and laugh. It is good medicine.
7. Make your Christmas Gift Wish List and put it on your refrigerator. Freely hand it out while you tell people this is what you are wishing for this year. Include on your list items such as:
a. Cleaning the house for one week
b. Providing a meal for one night
c. Having someone to sit with your loved one for one evening or afternoon, so you can get out and away for a while.
d. Running errands or shopping
e. Help with transporting the loved one to and from medical appointments
Sometimes a loved one may be too ill to celebrate. Even so, family and close friends may feel a need to bring a gift, a meal, or stop by to say hi to both of you. You can ask your loved one’s wishes regarding this. It can be very difficult for friends and family members who may feel helpless and shut out. If they want to bring a gift, perhaps wrapping up a relaxation CD, a warm throw or sweater, or some comforting music will help the giver and the receiver.
You can survive the holidays, make new memories, and preserve your health and well-being with some planning and a little help.
If you like these ideas, you may want to check out Susan’s book, “Cocoon of Love for Cancer Caregivers: Get Through the Tough Times.” It can be found in fine stores and on Amazon.